After a two-mile walk, I felt drawn to go to the location on our property intended for a future prayer garden. I sat down on the rock on which I played “tea party” as a girl—a rock hauled with great labor to our property after my mother’s death and the sale of her property.
As I sat, seeking to enter the Silence beyond sight and sound—that quiet space in my inner being where the Spirit communes with the soul and does His quiet work of ongoing transformation—I was joined by our cat. The Lord has a way of keeping me grounded and practical.
We have a “domesticated” feral cat who sometimes (cautiously) enjoys being rubbed, but she is quick to run away at the slightest unexpected sound or movement. I am impressed with how much like the cat I am—ready and even longing to be affirmed and loved, but always on guard against being hurt. There is a feral nature in me, shaped by the childhood and adult experiences of life—rejection, criticism, opposition, betrayal and deception.
From some of the writings of the Apostle Paul in the New Testament, we can see that he, too, was well-acquainted with this feral nature within. He wrote in Romans 7:22-23: “For in my inner being I delight in God’s law, but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.” (NIV)
I asked the cat aloud, “Why are you so afraid to trust the hand that has never hurt you and only wants to love you?” Then, the cat did as she often does and rolled over for a desired belly rub; but she nearly always rolls over too far away and wants me to somehow bridge the distance between us. So, I asked, “Why do you seek a belly rub in the wrong place, where I can’t readily reach you?”
Slowly, both questions turned inward toward me and became God’s questions: “Why are you so easily ready to distrust me when I have never hurt you and only want to love you? Why do you seek Me to fulfill your longings, but don’t consistently make the time to be in a place where I can reach you?”
Good questions to ponder. Important questions to answer. I think the way to resolve both is to do what our pastor proposed in his sermon recently—be baptized by Jesus again. Allow yourself to be fully plunged and immersed in Him. Trust Him to be who He is and to fulfill His promises. Get close to Him. Spend time with Him. Let Him love you. Feed and nurture your soul with life practices which allow your inner being to emerge victorious over the negative thoughts that wage war against the faith, hope and love that God offers.
Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®
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This Post Has 3 Comments
Absolutely a beautiful story from your deepest true self! This is a treasure, as you are to me! Thank you.
So glad it held meaning for you!
This is so true of all of us. We say we want to be more intimate with God, but then we stop short of letting ourselves be all in. This is beautiful and I thank you for sharing. I will read this again and again.