Staying at the Table

The holidays can be a difficult time for many people. We have such high expectations for the season, fueled by classic songs we love, images of perfect Christmas gatherings on Christmas cards, in artwork, advertisements, movies, music, in decorations all around us, in our homes, and in our own memories. If we were fortunate to experience some great Christmas gatherings with family, friends and church, we have templates in our subconscious that drive us to try to replicate them every year.

The problem is that we have a hard time maintaining healthy relationships all year. By the time the holidays roll around, if we are not still bummed over something that messed up last year’s special event, we are fretting over some insult or oversight that has occurred since then. It is often serious enough that we don’t want to gather again, at least not yet, so we plan ways to avoid being with the people who let us down or whom we let down—often people we love very much. We plan trips, buy tickets to special events, overbook our calendar, feign illness—whatever we can to get out of the occasion.

Thankfully, we have a model in Jesus for how to deal with these stress fractures in our relationships that can undermine healthy, wholesome gatherings with loved ones. We find in Jesus’ example that, rather than retreating, he stayed at the table with his disciples. After the arrest, trial and crucifixion, the disciples were left with some awful feelings about themselves and one another.

One by one they had all left him. Judas had betrayed him and had him arrested. During the trial, Peter had actually denied knowing him three times, just as Jesus had predicted after Peter’s loud boasting that he would even die with him! Initially, they all ran for their lives. Mark records in his Gospel that one of the young men ran right out of his robe! He left it in the hands of the soldiers trying to grab him. (Some think it may have been Mark himself!) We know John, Mary and a few women lingered to watch the horrible scene unfold before them.

Now, who wants to stay at the table with friends like these who betrayed, deserted and denied you or someone you love? And yet, we find Jesus at the table with his disciples the night that he knew Judas was turning him over to the authorities. He stayed right there and washed their feet and broke bread with them. After the resurrection, we find him breaking bread with two disciples who walked with him (unaware) to Emmaus, and the eleven when they gathered in Jerusalem to celebrate the resurrection appearances.

Jesus even cooked breakfast for the disciples while he awaited their return from an impromptu fishing expedition that perhaps they had chosen to avoid being with themselves and having to talk about all the pain. Peter was the first to propose going fishing—no doubt as a way of dealing with the enormous load of guilt and shame he was carrying.

Jesus invited Peter and the rest to join him for breakfast with some of the fish they had caught. He included them to boost their sense of value, blessed them, and intentionally reached out to forgive Peter and encourage him to get on with his calling to build the church by caring for the “lambs”—the people of God’s “flock.” And then, basking in the certainty of Jesus’ forgiveness and resurrection, those same people were able to gather in joy and begin to change the world with the message they could share based on their own experiences of love and forgiveness. The book of Acts takes us on a journey where time after time the disciples come back together, even after conflict. They stayed at the table with each other even when it was uncomfortable, because it is the only way to be true to our Savior who has stayed at the table with us when we least deserved it.

The Wonder of Christmas is the fresh capacity so many find to express love to the most unlovely. I pray that your Christmas gatherings can be in that context. No matter what has happened in the past, remember that Jesus calls us to forgiveness and has shown us the way to stay at the table with loved ones, even when they let us down or we let them down. Keep washing their feet, so to speak. Keep feeding them as those loved by God, like sheep of his flock. Keep sharing special gatherings with them. Keep breaking bread with them. Stay at the table. It is the Jesus way. And it is the way the church turned the world upside down. Let’s do it again!

May your Christmas season be a time of gathering in faith in Jesus, with significant people in significant ways, so that you set an example of the wonder of forgiveness.