How do we keep our balance in a whirling world? How do we maintain a living link with the God of our life in the midst of all the daily demands? One way is by making retreats a regular part of our spiritual practice.
Retreats are times apart in a quiet place to ponder our lives in the company of our God. It used to be that only priests and nuns and people whose profession was the spiritual life went on retreat. But now lay women and men are realizing the value of “down” time, to help restore balance and connection. We need a place where we can go, surrendering calendar and cell phone at the door, to spend time simply being in the presence of God and our true selves. Sounds marvelous? Well….. yes and no.
I remember the first time I found myself on a retreat—three days of silence with one hour a day of spiritual direction. For introverts this may be bliss, but for an extrovert like me it felt like Purgatory. Also, I was uneasy about what might come up when I slowed down. But I trusted the place (Green Bough Retreat Center in Adrian GA) and the guides—that’s crucial. And it was time.
Sure enough, the experience was challenging but also rich in lasting ways. It convinced me to follow the example of my spiritual mentors, by scheduling three or four retreats per year, to keep the engine running and the wheels aligned.
People choose to go on retreat for different reasons. They may be facing an important decision. They may be looking for new direction. They may come to plumb the meaning of a dark time. They may come in gratitude, or for the sheer pleasure of being in God’s company. Teresa of Avila speaks of a wonderful revelation about the nature of God that was given to her on retreat. “What a burden I thought I was to carry, a crucifix as did He.” During her time apart, Love invites Teresa to put down her cross and simply “Enjoy Me.” It changed her life.
Lest we need more permission, Jesus was a person of deep prayer. Silence and solitude were part of the fabric of his life. He knew that time apart was crucial to maintaining His connection and fulfilling his ministry. And if Jesus needed time apart to stay true, how much more so do we?
Retreat centers come in many varieties. Some provide structured programs; others leave you mostly on your own. Whatever tradition they may be rooted in—Roman Catholic, Episcopalian, Methodist.etc—all the retreat centers I’ve known are eagerly ecumenical, welcoming people of all faiths and people with no faith at all.
If you’d like to do a retreat but can’t leave town, consider an At Home version. Those who live alone can simply alert their friends and take the phone off the hook. Those who live with others may need to ask for the gift of some extended privacy. Here are some guidelines—adjust them to fit your needs and preferences.
- Prepare yourself with prayer beforehand. Ask God for the grace to enter into this time with “open mind, open heart.”
- Set up a sacred space, preferably near a window. Gather objects that speak to you. A cloth, a candle, a vase of flowers, an icon or photograph, Scripture, a book of prayers, a symbol (e.g. a bud if you are seeking ways to blossom; a stone if you seek healing for a hardened heart); assorted CDs of sacred music.
- Devise a simple structure for your day. I like to begin by reading the Psalms for the day from the Liturgy of the Hours. Then spend 20-30 minutes in silence, just breathing and being. Then you might journal, sorting out what’s going on inside. You might paint or draw or dance or sing or do yoga.
- Next, perhaps take a walk. Find a park and sit on a swing. Look into the face of a flower. Watch the squirrels or listen to the cooing of the doves. Let yourself be guided. Notice what draws you.
- Have a light lunch, then take a rest or do some spiritual reading. Later in the day, you might want to do some gardening. Becoming holy involves chopping wood and carrying water too—I learned that from the Benedictines.
- After supper, do whatever you like—Tai Chi in the twilight; make tea and finish that bedside novel; think about whether you believe in guardian angels; come to know the one who’s by your side.
- End the evening early so you can rise with the dawn. Read Evening Prayers, share with God a time of silence. Then do a brief “Examen”—go back over the day and ask: What gave me life today/what drained me? Where did I feel connected/disconnected from myself and my God?
- Know that the time will bless you, no matter what does or doesn’t happen. Sometimes there are revelations; other times quiet comforts; sometimes we are left with more to do; sometimes it feels like nothing’s changed. Whatever the outcome, our job is not to evaluate the experience but to have faith in God’s faithfulness. We simply show up. Do what we can to stay present and attentive. Treat ourselves with kindness. And trust that God’s work is being done in us, moving us toward healing and new life.
About the Author
Lalor Cadley is the founder and director of Chrysalis Center, an ecumenical spirituality center grounded in the Christian tradition. Opened in 1995, the Center offers spiritual direction, discernment circles, book studies and retreats designed to promote attentiveness to the stirrings of the Holy within and among us.
She has had the privilege of walking with people on their spiritual journeys for over twenty years.
Lalor received her certification in spiritual direction from the Spiritual Direction Institute in Houston. She holds a Master’s degree from Regis University in Adult Spiritual Formation.
Her columns on the spiritual life have appeared in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. She is the author of Tiny Trumpets: Reflections on Life and Grace. She is also an Associate of Green Bough House of Prayer in Adrian, Georgia. Lalor has two grown sons and lives in Atlanta.
